Let me tell you, this whole indie artist, full time creative thing is a tough deal. But you know what at times seems to make it tougher...being alone. Most of my readers know that presently I'm all the way single. I date and have had relationships before, but honestly, I can say that in my 30 plus years, I have never known what it's like to be in a healthy, mutually loving, monogamous relationship. That's a bit embarrassing to admit, but it's true. And in the years that I've been working hard to succeed in film and entertainment, it's been really difficult.
It can be hard to be single and endure the losses. Moments such as not booking a big gig, bombing an audition, flubbing on stage, applying for various labs and fellowships and never being the one that's chosen. Not having a shoulder to lean on in those times is not so fun.
But for me, what really hurts, is having no one special to celebrate the wins.
When I made the decision to chase my dreams, I did it knowing that this business would come with large amounts of rejection and disappointment. However, what I didn't realize was that when I did win or make a step, how lonely THAT would be. Each time my business partner and I won an award for one of our plays, I had friends, family, cast and colleagues that of course were there to cheer and encourage. But when I got home with all of that excitement and pride in my belly, I was there alone. When we got news of the EMMY nomination for our project with a film partner, my mother was so impressed and proud. But I was home by myself, with no one to toast this incredible moment with.
But, don't weep for me! I've gotten much better at checking those feelings, lol. I've learned to love and get to know Okema T. Moore and she's pretty cool. And now I'm back out there. Actively dating and open minded to letting love find me. The downside to that though, are the games. The ghosting that happens, the lies, the foolishness; it can be at times, worse than the fleeting cases of the loneliness.
What helps? As usual...it's my art. And about two months ago I had the chance to play the lead in a social short that addressed these games we play in a film by Writer, Director and Filmmaker Shauntay Cherry, called "The Haggler."
I won't give away the film, but the tagline is "What's Your Price?" And ladies and gents, way too often I've undervalued or discounted myself for someone who was not at all worth it. We know that as creatives, and hell, as HUMANS, we all are at some point in need of someone to love us, tend to us, sexually satisfy us, etc. So we sometimes prioritize the need for those things, over the need to be valued and held in appropriate regard. The other side to that is, maybe WE are the ones not taking care of the other person and taking advantage.
Either way, let's talk about it!!! Be you single, married or "it's complicated," let's discuss this thing together!
On October 29th, I will be hosting a private screening of "The Haggler" at Bedford Hall in Brooklyn. Along with the screening we will have a panel discussion featuring two relationship experts. Author, writer and relationship coach Cheyenne Bostock will be our male expert. Financial guru, style maven, mommy blogger and happily married mom of (almost) five, Carrie Pink will be our female expert. The cast will also be on the panel, including myself, David Roberts and Kim Akia. There will be music by celebrity DJ Sean Malcolm and food and drink specials too! The cherry on top...a sexy bachelor's auction! Ladies you can purchase a handsome guy to take you on a movie date!
The cost of the event is only $10.00. Ticket money as well as all monies from the auction will go towards the festival run of the film. The one caveat...the tickets will NOT BE sold at the door. Only on-line. So be sure to click HERE for yours!
If you are unable to make the event, but wish to donate towards our film anyway, the link above will also allow you to make a donation.
The conversation regarding men and women is an age old one. Yet technology, thought processes and the advancement of time has changed it quite a bit. So come check out the film and add to the talk!